whiskerkissed

It IS worth it! For me - drink and drugs have destroyed my life. I had become (and still am in many areas) unmanageable in my life. Not just the external stuff, but the inside stuff that kept me self-medicating for so long. The inside stuff blew into my outward stuff.

Being clean is not easy at times. The anxiety and depression are still things I deal with. They're not as bad as when I first stopped using so that's telling me that whatever I'm doing is starting to work...just hurts like hell right now getting through it. I can't do it alone. I need the help of others. Working the NA program and surrounding myself with people that have been there and already went through what I'm going through is saving my life. Giving me a life. One I never new.

After I got out of detox last June I was given 4 different meds by the doctor there. For anxiety, depression, anti-seizure and sleep. Took them for months after getting out. Relapsed one night on a handful of sleep med AT my sponsors apt. I am now off all meds. I realized - with the help of my sponsor and a couple of other friends - I was still trying to find a solution in a bottle.

I'm being taught how to live with my feelings - and no - they're NOT NOT NOT always comfortable and even very painful, but there are also good days! VERY good days! We can't have one without the other. There's no balance in that. What I AM learning to do is be human. I lost that ability in my using. I didn't care about myself or others.

There is a healthy way to deal with my thoughts, feelings and emotions. Drugs and drink ain't it. The anxiety lessens, the depression fades. For me - right now - I'm dealing with rage and deep sadness, but I know there is some good when I get through it to the other side. I just need to stay away from the dope. There's some good in it now. I am not going through it alone - and that's what NA has given me. Other people to guide me through it. People that have already passed through all that stuff.

YES - being clean is worth it!!