JayR

Lexie and EightBall . . .

Believe me, I am not remotely close to being neive - but your presentation of the 'other side' NEEDS to be here to counter the conniving methods of substance abusers. I'm glad you pointed out the negative slant . . . Surely it will give someone a lightbulb moment. Skepticism is healthy and serves an incredible purpose in the lives of those affected by alcoholism. I was pleased to see the rebuttal to my optimism. You people really are amazing . . .

But the 'special' nature of our relationship has one significant component that has always seen us through tough times - and due to my speedy education here on SR it becomes even more apparent to us how valuable it is . . .

Communication. More specifically, truthful communication.

So you understand, she's not a good enough actress to fool me when she isn't being fully truthful. I know this because we have a bond that is rare - as I've noted. I sensed a slight change in her - satisfied my curiosity by unknowingly observing her - and busting her when I recognized the barely-ntoiceable aberrent behavior.

What I have learned here is the 'progressive' nature of alcoholism. It sneaks up on the victim. You do NOT turn into a substance abuser overnight.

I stopped the oncoming 'bus' that was about to hit her. I was observant enough and loving enough and instinctive enough to see what was happening. It had been an issue in the past - so my guard has been up for some time.

So for those who truly love their mates - as I do - one important thing got lost . . . She failed to communicate with me . . . she felt there was 'weakness' in her and she would feel persecuted by her husband who doesn't really suffer from those challenges.

But I would NEVER persecute her if I were told. If she had only communicated that she was feeling out of sorts. Sure, she knows that now . . . but her mind was tricking her into thinking I point out her failures and stop supporting her.

Not in a million years. Now that I 'stopped the bus' she sees that. That's so hopeful for us . . .

But it does give us concern over our views that the cause of a person's first steps down a crooked, tragic path CAN be staved off if they have someone who cares enough . . .

I read one thread on here directed at mothers . . . the stories have a consistent ring to them - and most start out innocently. One glass of wine . . . a
'happy place'. For the younger women, kids seemed the common thread. For the older women - remember, my wife is just 50 - it started out the same - and 'progressed'. One glass a night turned to 2 bottles . . .

But there is a common thread there also. Age. As a woman ages her serotonin levels (and other brain chemistry levels) drop significantly - there is medical evidence of a connection between the beginnings of destructive maladies from anxiety or panic disorders to alcoholism that seem oddly familiar to menopausal women. I'd venture to guess that alcohol consumption in even younger women spikes during their menstrual cycles.

Just to offer some professional viewpoints, you will surely find professional validation relating the two - menopause and alcoholism by typing in 'serotonin drop menopause alcoholism' in Google and surfing the articles.

Habits can consume us . . . and alcoholism - since it creeps in - must have a point at which it can be stopped or derailed - or just anticipated it as a concern. Not if the person is conniving enough and they are already too far gone - but was there a 'witness' to the abuse beginning and they just ignored the early signs and allowed the deeper slippage into the disease? Was the mate paying attention? If no mate, was the person's own moral compass skewed and beginning to justify the unneeded behavior?

Nobody WANTS to be an alcoholic. But they take a first step . . . that's all it takes . . . Before you know it, it is too late.

My wife was on the doorstep of tragedy . . . but I was there to point her to the right house . . .

We're going to go to an AlAnon meeting together. We're curious how this happened and need more education . . . but now we're focused on - perhaps - exposing the connection to menopause so this 'disease' of alcoholism can be expected by menopausal women so they are on the alert to the beginnings of potential abuse problems . . .

I never said we weren't expecting challenges . . . But we do see my 'intervention' here as being analagous to an early diagnosis of a looming problem. If we can warn just one maturing woman of this possibility, then we've done OUR part to use our 'almost-tragedy' proactively and help stem the tide of substance abuse as each of you contribuors do for the anonymous daily. We'd just be able to speak about it as it specifically refers to maturing or menopausal/pre-menopausal women . . .

Does that make sense? Sure, AA and AlAnon are THE ONLY ways to educate yourself and get help to survive if you are a full-fledged alcoholic . . . But problems always have a source - a beginning. It 'progresses' - so it has a beginning . . . If you can stop it there, is it possible to prevent the disease from full development?

I'm thinking that may well be possible . . . and our experience might help others.