I am going to look for a lawyer, but know it will be very expensive and we REALLY do not have the money at this time.
Please look up your local DAV chapters and give them a call. They will probably have some recommendations for you on who to use that is reasonable and does a great job. Many DAV members have been to he!! and back trying to get through all the muck and mire of the VA and the Military. It's worth a shot.
I also hope that as a precaution, you and hubby have taken anything of value, jewelry, coins, etc and put them in a safe deposit box at the bank.
Good thoughts and prayers continue to go out to you and your family from NM.
Love and hugs,