thatfeel

Hello all. I've been attempting to manage severe depression and anxiety since early 2008, the end of a two year relationship and the renewal of a strange and bumpy relationship with drugs.

Marijuana stopped "working" for me around this time. Everyone around me still smoked so I would be tempted into using only to find myself even more anxious and paranoid than normal.

My drug of choice is opium, and any of its derivatives. When I'm not smoking weed I drink, but I am a picky drinker. I don't drink Budweiser or any of its derivatives. But it's still a drug for me.

Valium and the like work WONDERS for my mood and anxiety, but my Psy D wants me off of them. Hell, I want me off of them. He has prescribed me Gabapentin... which is kind of like eating a salad when you're really hungry and then end up going to McDonalds for a fish filet and fries anyway.

Well thanks for reading. I was trying to just take the Gabapentin this week until I see the Doc on Friday... but I had 200mg of Tramadol, 5mg of Valium, and two beers today. Felt great at the time. Feels bad now.

Is sobriety worth it? I feel like my mood is destined to be anxious/dysthymic no matter how long I'm sober. I don't want that. I'd rather be on valium.