IME - my xah thought things were OK for as long as I maintained the status quo. Years and years. I suspect he still thinks things were OK and I just had a mid life crisis and hormones turned me into a nut that divorced him - making a big deal about the system that was working quite fine as far as he was concerned.
I'm not sure my share is helpful because I don't know how you define success. I'm divorced. The rage and resentment eventually consumed me from the inside. I did not turn it on him. So to him, things were OK and I was having issues. Which is actually sort of true I guess.
My cynical answer is that alcoholism is not nice or normal and so it is an impossible task from the get go. Didn't stop me from trying for a decade or so.
I'm glad you are posting - there is a lot of support here and we all support individual choices. My way certainly is not the only way or experience!