How do you maintain normal/nice vs. condoning
As I have mentioned in previous posts, I am new here and sometimes have no idea which end is up.
As some of you know, we have two young girls ages 3 and 5. AH is a "secret" drinker (except when we are at dinner at my SIL's or out somewhere) and drinks only late at night when the girls are in bed. At present, our marriage remains somewhat strong (although the cracks are beginning to show), and he is a great dad. However, there are times when it is hard to maintain the "happy spouse/mommy" thing because I sometimes wonder if he thinks my sweet behavior towards him condones his drinking. I certainly can't go around the house being depressed or angry toward him even though there are times when I do feel like this. I try my best to make the day go as normal as possible even though I rarely get help from him because he's up late most nights, he naps almost every day and although he plays with our youngest, he rarely leaves the couch. I am still learning how an addict thinks, so when I do my best to maintain a sense of normalcy for the family I am wondering if my behavior makes him think that I actually don't mind that he drinks.
For those who have had success, how do you make sure that the addict is not lead to believe that what he is doing is okay while still maintaining a loving, calm, normal demeanor?