Jay, please seek out an al-anon meeting. You will learn in al-anon that you can't control her drinking and that you are as powerless over alcohol as she is. Al-anon will teach you to put the emphasis on yourself and that wll help you deal with her. Take care of you. If she'll be upset by your attending a meeting, just go and tell her you're with a friend. Whatever it takes, get to a meeting.