Congrats on 30 days! That is an accomplishment! If you pick up it will get worse, not only mentally but physically. Whatever chance of saving your marriage will go out the door. You have to stop beating yourself up. Things will work out how they are suppose to. Like Dan said, use your 30 days as a stepping stone. You are bettering yourself. I would recommend going to an AA meeting and getting a sponsor if you don't have one already. Keep coming back!