I didn't realize my AH was an alcoholic until many years into the marriage. I wasn't raised around alcoholism and thought that all alcoholics were raging, mean, and beat their wives/gfs types. My AH has a quick fuse but is not physically abusive so I thought he just liked to drink. I was soooo naive back then, but I don't blame myself now. I was taught to look for the good in others and to stay in a marriage through good and bad. We all live and try to learn from our mistakes. As long as we learn from them and try to make ourselves a better life, I believe we are following the path our higher power has planned for us.