My life was fairly balanced and my partner actually encouraged me to do things I loved to do and if that didn’t include him, that was ok. We both worked at having our own separate things in life knowing that was healthy.
It was much different when he would be in active addiction. He became more smothering and needy, didn’t like me being gone for long periods of time, etc.
Then there would be times when he didn’t mind at all if I was out at a meeting, meeting a friend for tea, shopping….but I recall getting numerous phone calls – when are you coming home? I think part of that was him wanting to know just how F----ed up he could get but more his insecurity.
Another response I did to his active addiction was limiting my outside activities out of fear of him being alone for too long and possible ODing, driving in that condition, etc.
I learned pretty early that talking to my “normal” friends caused me further distress when dealing with the issue of addiction, I learned to stick to those kind of talks to my al-anon friends.
I do think we lose a part of ourselves to their addiction, their issues and as their isolation grows from life our response does too.