Originally Posted by
Tuffgirl 
I wanted so much to be the problem in my marriage - I tried for an entire year to be that problem. Why? Because then I could fix it myself! Because ultimately we all realize in that little corner of our rational minds that alcoholism is a problem we can't fix for anyone else. Your rational mind brought you to this forum. Listen to it!
I read this the other day and it has been sticking in my mind as I continue on my journey, reading books, going to Alanon, coming here, trying to detach. It finally dawned on me that for the past 6 or so months I have been doing all these things hoping to fix myself so AH will recover from A and what I really need is to do these things for me to get my living back and have a good life with my children with or without my AH. Thanks TG.
Back to duq, I met my AH when he was 34 and it sounds like he was similar to your bf. 20+ years, 3 children later and AH not only continued drinking on the weekends but everywhere in between.
In this last year, finally he is seeking some help and guess what I get - to start back to where we started. He is out of our home now and says he is not drinking but seems to be really out of it after every other weekend that my son does not spend with him.
Long story short, we don't have a marriage relationship and probably haven't had one for the past 6 years and maybe even the 10 years before that was when it started deteriorating.
The love I have for him is not enough right now to keep me going in this and it may never be enough unless he truly recovers and even then I don't know - one day I might, not today.