just came to the realization today for step 1. I am powerless. I have always been the one in control of everything in my life until now. Including hiding my husbands addition from the world. We are just a perfect family. JE my husband has been a roller coaster through addition for the last 3 years. I have tried and tried to keep things together for my children. When all three came to me last night , crying , afraid, scared and angry I realized there was absolutely nothing I could do to change JE's behavior. It is up to him not me. When the kids left for school I fell to me knees and cried like a baby. I called out to my God and realized it was in his hands not mine. Every emotion was let out to Him. I am powerless against this but I feel as though a thousands weights have been lifted off my chest.