Hi Kristin, welcome back. I remember your posts. I understand the difficulty of dealing with snow and winter. You mention depression. Do you currently see a counselor or therapist? I know that even very brief counseling helped me make the changes I needed to make in order to make the mind jump from "I know it's hurting me, but why can't I drink?" to being able to accept the reality of it and also care enough about myself to stop. I also know that with the snow it's difficult to do things, but maybe it would help to make a list of ways you can push yourself to do something other than drinking, like devoting your time to reading books about recovery or picking up an old hobby. I know others will offer helpful suggestions.
It also sounds like you're afraid of feeling some things that imo are fairly normal (missing the taste or being jealous). It will take time and patience to work through those things and let go of them, and feeling those emotions doesn't make you a failure. Remember you can always come here when you're feeling those things.
