Anodyne - It's great you came back & want a new life for yourself.
It was so hard for me to admit my drinking wasn't fun or relaxing any more. I kept seeking the old euphoria I once felt. I finally convinced myself my life would be cut short if I didn't stop. I didn't attend AA meetings, mostly used SR & books for inspiration & encouragement.
Glad you're back here with us, Dave! Let us know how it's going.