He didn't manipulate his sister into calling me, I do know that. We were actually growing close while he was in rehab, because I learned all the lies he told me about her aren't true. (He can't stand her, he thinks she's mean and heartless. She can't stand being around him, she thinks he's a self-centered alcoholic. I agree with her side of the story.)
And thank you, Babyblue, for your post especially. I did buy him something for his birthday. Amazon is going to deliver "Under the Influence" to his house, nicely gift wrapped, with no card. And he is going to never read it, and he is going to suspect it is from me but not be able to prove it, and he will probably give it away to some other poor soul (because he gives
everything away).
So - someone who actually wants the help will get a copy of a really good book they may have never known to look for, and I feel good because I got him something. It's a win-win, as far as I'm concerned - it's just that XABF won't be on one of the winning sides, but that will be by his choice.
I am okay with that.
I spoke with XABF's sister again today. We had a great conversation about her daughter's new condominium. The previous owners left it a complete mess, so they are completely redecorating. I offered to help next week, because I think it would be fun, and I've always wondered what those condominiums looked like. I also told her about Peaches, and she was genuinely excited for me.
I will not talk to her often, but every once in awhile it is good to have a conversation with someone who understands both sides of the story. She agrees with me about a lot of things regarding XABF (the only one in the family who actually understands what I'm going through - I suspect her husband's drinking is a large part of that, but I do not live her life so I don't know).
I do feel bad that my relationship with XABF degraded so much that I can't find the truths hidden in his lies anymore. I do acknowledge that none of that is my doing, because I was not the drunken, ranting, raving mess lying to me. I do sincerely wish him the best, and I have recently added him back to my prayers, and I know that nothing I ever say or do will get him to get the help he needs. I am not his keeper anymore - I never should have been in the first place.
I do not regret learning that the car accident was not a lie. While it hurt a lot at first, and ripped open some old wounds I had been trying to ignore, it also forced me to come face to face with some things from the past I had been trying to avoid thinking about. I took a step backwards, but I think I got a good two steps forward afterward because of it, so it was a good thing!
I have been learning to count my blessings in the most unusual places!
Most importantly, I am comfortable in my own skin again.
You guys really are the best, and I appreciate the input from each and every one of you. The thing I love about the people here is that everyone has their own stories and experiences, some similar and some completely different than what I am going through, and all of them help paint a complete picture of all perspectives that helps bring me back to earth and back on track to where
I need to be in my life.
I love you guys, each and every once of you.