OTT no need to apologize. You are an intelligent, thoughtful contributor to SR and I value your posts. With more than a decade of sobriety behind you, you are in a different place than I am. I would hope that in 10 years I don’t have to look at every action and every intention and how it relates to drinking. Right now I am in a period of radical transformation, and everything is on the table. For me, at this moment, it is get comfortable with sobriety or die. That sounds dramatic, but I believe it is a pretty mundane and factual account of my situation at this time. I am heartened by your experience.