Hello Meggy, I know you will find support here. I did. Folks will come along with stories very similar to yours and show you how they found their way out of feeling helpless and lost.
As others have told me, "you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it."
While you are waiting for others to respond you might want to look at some of the other posts and you may find some helpful thoughts there.
Take care.