hi buttondaisy and WELCOME to SR. I'm glad you found this place. There's load of support here and it's always open.
I know you love your partner but let me post for you the 3 C's of addiction, in case you didn't already know:
You didn't CAUSE the drinking
You can't CURE the drinking
You can't CONTROL the drinking.
**NOTHING** you say or do, or don't say or don't do, can change your partner. You simply do not have that power. Only he can decide when he's had enough. The only thing left to do is focus on the most important person in your life: you....because if you don't take care of yourself, who will?
Re-reading your post, I can see you're on a rollercoaster ride. We've all been on it, over and over....drinking episode, followed by hangover and apologies, a few days of honeymoon, then weird behaviour begins, then hiding stuff, and then drinking all over again. Lather, rinse, repeat.
You don't need to be on that ride. You can choose to get off.
I STRONGLY recommend finding an Al-Anon meeting in your area and attending a few meetings to see what feels right. There's nothing like having face to face support from those who've been where you are now.
I also encourage you to read the Classic Reading stickies at the top of the Friends and Family forum. There's a great deal of wisdom to be found there...
Please keep posting and reading as much as you like!