Hi guys, my alcoholic boyfriend of 2 years just broke up with me... I feel like i'm struggling to make sense of the emotions im feeling after the crazy rollercoaster ride that was our relationship. I found myself being blamed for his problems, especially towards the end. It really wore me down
From chats with close family members and best friends of his, i now know that his problems with alcohol and extreme mood swings have gone on for 10 years or so. And it was always someone elses fault. His parents actually threw him out of the house a few years ago because of it! He has worked in the bar trade all his life which doesnt help. He has a history of irrational behaviour such as jumping off a yacht on a family holiday 6 years ago and disappearing in a foreign country for 2 days! And injuring himself by getting agressive and punching walls etc.
During our 1st year together there were a few episodes but i tried to work past them as he was a great guy otherwise. Looking back there were many red flags such as always getting completely wasted on nights out to the point where he couldnt speak/stand etc and picking fights with me because his mood would switch when drinking even when i was nothing but nice to him. He's 27 and never had a proper gf before me, i think i now see why...
We moved in together after a year. He now couldnt hide his behaviour as much, so the frequency of the moods/drinking increased and so did our arguments. Pretty much every major occasion over the last year was ruined. For example he got so wasted on my birthday they tried to chuck him out the nightclub, he then disappeared for half an hour. Apparantly i was bein horrible and smothering him by worrying where he'd gone when he turned up. He then ran off home and canceled the hotel he booked for my birthday cos of MY supposed bad behaviour! I was just trying to be a good gf!
He now runs a small hotel and turns to drink even more when he's stressed. If he'd had a bad day he would try and pick fights with me so he could storm out to the pub and come back wasted. I used to end up really paranoid/insecure about what he'd been up to if he couldnt speak, stand or remember where he'd been. But he thought i was just being crazy. I used to nag him about the drinking alot but i think i also enabled it too by covering up his behaviour to others
when we went away on holiday and away from stressful work his behaviour was fine.
I broke my foot badly which put a strain on our relationship as ive been housebound. The moods/drinking/storming out to the pub continued. He didnt really help me with my injury and i would have to beg him to keep me company rather than meeting his drinking buddies after being stuck home alone. He got so wasted 1 night he fell on top of my already broken foot! ! Things came to a head 3 weeks ago when he stormed out and got so wasted he broke his own ankle! He then said we should break up as he's unhappy and doesnt know if he feels the same about me anymore! And he then proceeded to blame me for his drinking and mood swings! I know i nagged him about them but its gone on for years before me and i only nagged out of worry for him
I know that if he'd got help we would of been ok. We've been in contact since the break up, its all been quite friendly. He's said he misses me and wants to be my best friend. When texting me he'll find excuses to keep talking to me. We've discussed meeting up to clear the air but we're both unsure. He has mentioned he's going to see a therapist soon. Im so confused about all this. I miss the nice sober guy but feel relieved i dont have to deal with the drunken monster anymore. Can anyone offer any insight please?