I reread your first post and saw so many similarities between us. I remember how angry I was and worried like you are now. I will never forget when my daughter was young, I had to travel on the job and was in NJ and he knew he had to care for her a few days and promised to stay sober. I called home and I could tell her was wasted - and he had picked her up in the car from daycare and she was about 18 months old! I had no choice but to call my parents who lived about 25 miles away to come and get her. That was one of the hardest calls I had to make as I knew I had disappointed them so much. Their well-educated, successful daughter had married a drunk. I worked so hard to keep it a secret. I always knew as well that if I left him, he would make my life miserable and I feared he would get visitation with my daughter and drive drunk with her all the time. I thought if I stayed, I had a better chance to control it. Boy, I was sick for years and not just the narcotic addiction.
Oh - and I tried AlAnon back then and he always knew if I went and was worse sometimes and he would quit a few months sometimes. He hated for me to go, because that made him feel like he was an alcoholic, which he never admitted in those early years.
Like you, too, I know my daughter is affected. She is 29 now, got a Master's degree and is doing alright, but has a weight issue she is currently tackling healthily with exercise and good food, but she is very heavy and just shared with me last week that in her early 20s she suffered from Bulemia, so I am wrecked with guilt about all of that. Also, she is relationship phobic and has only had a few minor relationships in the past ten years - wonder why?
I cared for my 87 yr old Mother at the tail end of his using as she passed away 4 yrs ago. I did that job for ten years on top of all the other stress and working FT.
Keep sharing as this really seems to help me and hopefully you.