Thanks for all the replies! If anyone doesn't mind, I'd like to share a story. My best friend just passed away on 10/3/2010. We were friends for 24 yrs. She was diagnosed with a very rare form of leukemia about 20 months ago and was given 3-5 yrs. She lasted 16 months. She was with her husband for 30 yrs. married for 25 of them. (they celebrated their 25th anniversary a week before she passed) Throughout their entire marriage, they struggled financially, lived in a bad neighborhood in the inner city, drove beat-up cars and had a son that battled drug addiction. Never, and I mean never have I seen a couple so in love and kind to each other. Over the years, they would come from Pa. to my home in NJ for a weekend in the summer. My nice home with the new furniture, new car etc. She never said it to me, but I could tell everytime they came that she thought I "had it all". Ever dream about what you would do if you won the lottery? They were always one of the first people on my list, how i'd buy them a new house somewhere, new cars etc. because they were truly the nicest friends i'd ever had and so deserving. Her husband has been a mess since her death and I call him weekly to check -up on him. Jan. 15th was her birthday. I called him that morning because I knew it would be a rough day for him. We wound up talking for nearly 3 hrs. and both sobbing. He told me that at the end of her illness he would have to carry her up the stairs to use the bathroom, and carry her up and down the stairs in the morning and again at night to get to bed, because she couldn't do the stairs herself. He never once complained. While crying to me on her birthday, he said, I miss my wife so much, I just want her back, I would carry her up the stairs a thousand times a day if I could just have her back. He told me how hard it was and how many times he cried at work because he happens to work at the hospital she died at. He always calls her his best friend. Well, during that phonecall, it hit me, I was dreaming all these years about helping them financially, thinking then they would have it all, and they already did. They sure did. They had real, pure love for each other. I broke down crying when I talked to him on the 15th, I told him exactly what I just told you, and how much I admired their marriage all these years. He went on to tell me how no one ever said out loud that they admired their marriage and he felt so proud to hear it. He told me how much his wife cherished our friendship all these years in case I didn't know. I already knew. I shared with him the guilt I felt when my friend was first diagnosed and I was not a donor match. (Ah, the codie in me thinks I could save the world) Guess my whole point of sharing this is that I know that real love exists in this screwed up world. I just haven't experienced it yet.