Originally Posted by
brokenheartfool 
...I am very glad he is working on sobriety, even if he throws me in the trash can. I do love him independently of having a relationship with him, and I would like to hear that he is healthy one day, even if not with me.
I can't bring myself to ever think that married men are entitled to online sexual fantasies. If he simply watched it, without hiding it, on the rare occasion, that would be alright. It is the acting out while watching it and being secretive. It felt the same as if he was having affairs.
I'm sorry to hear that the details include other addictions.
Here's where I'm at. I didn't quote your entire post but rather cut out the last part. It's all about him. I know you know this already but you need to concentrate on loving yourself. It's my opinion that you've been messed with for a long time and forgot what it's like to feel good. I know it's tough to do. I'm a victim of some heavy mental abuse as well. Some days I just want to talk all about my AW and her issues and how much I want this for her, her, her, her. Even in therapy I told my person that I don't want to talk about her anymore. I want to focus on me. That's what I'm doing now and when I read stories such as yours, all I can offer is an echo of what you already know. Make this about you. It's hard but it will get better so long as you apply it.