Thanks so much for all this wonderful insight.
On their last visit, (2 weeks ago) they fought for 2 days. When they weren't fighting, he was sulking. And she was putting on a brave face. But at one point she broke down on my bed & started crying - saying how hard it was to live with his negativity, etc. and saying she knew it wasn't him. And I was thinking, "yeah you're right, it's the addiction" but I knew it wasn't the time to say it. But that's when I started thinking "maybe I should tell her I'm going to AlAnon."
I so appreciate your support with this. I especially resonated with the anonymity point which felt very strong when I read it. I always think of that as protection of the privacy of others but you're right, it's there for me too. But also getting into AlAnon to tell our own truth is something I wanted to learn too. Not to ignore or make excuses for The Big Fat Elephant in the room, ya know?
I welcome all your insight and support. Much Love.