Where am I ?????
Hi all it has been a while since I have posted. This is due to the fact there is just so much going on in my life I really could not put my head around it. So I am going to break it down by subject the best I can.
My AH is on his 4th out-patient program in 4 months time. Again he had refused in-patient care and says he will not do it. He did tell me tonight that he was on a taper plan through the program and he went to them and asked for longer term maintenance on the suboxone. I really don't believe anything he tells me so I am limbo right now. I was having that feeling again, as I always get that sense. So I am detaching and I have stated to him what is bothering me. Such as when he has to take cash out instead of using his card to charge things. I have already seen an attorney last week and I am getting paperwork together for when and if that time comes that he has to leave.
Next my teenage daughter who suffers from ADD, anxiety and depression is not doing all that well on her new medication. She has told me that she plans on moving to a state that prescribes weed for it when she graduates. Wonderful right I am going to have to deal with someone else using drugs. I have an appt for her at her psychiatrists tomorrow. I am also looking to find groups or something to educate her on the actual dangers of this kind of thinking.
My mother who suffers from depression, anxiety and is bi-polar is back in the psychiatric ward. She comes out for a week or two into a day program and then goes right back in. This has been going on now for about 3 years. I live 400 miles away and my sister is dealing with this. I wish I could actually help more than just listen, but she said she knows I have my hand full right now. Daily conversations with her telling me she just wants to dies has had it's toll but I still try to get through every day. Just to try some positive re-inforcement and saying things look at it in seconds mom.
I have three herniated discs in my lower back and facet's disease and have been told I need surgery. I refuse to take the pain medication because the thought of any opiates makes me sick (AH DOC herion). I also have to keep all my meds hidden and that drives me nuts. I am trying to figure out how to get this surgery done as I will need help after my surgery and I am thinking my AH will not be here. His mother has volunteered to come and help, but they don't know what is going on. To top that off I have had to get a script for anxiety meds myself because it was just getting that bad.
I am however hanging in and taking care of myself. I do go out with friends and take my teenager out weekly for one on one time. I had a great day today with the kids, I took them to see Yogi Bear at he movies. AH is getting them ready for bed now and cleaning the living room. Do you think he knows he is losing me??? Well thank you all for listening that was actually great to get it all out.
Love and prayer to all.