For me it was the help I discovered by working the steps that helped me. In the second step I learned that I could be restored to sanity. In the third step I turned my will and life over to HP.A word that helped me with this was surrender. It is so hard to give up the illusion of control.
I knew that I couldn't do it on my own. I didn't have the tools, so I needed lots of help. Once I started surrendering my (little)stuff, and "talking to HP" (praying), HP would sometimes drop an idea into my spirit for how to do things differently.Listening to HP is hard too because the static needs to be quieted (meditation).
Progress not perfection! This isn't something that will be right away or instant. It really does take practice to learn new habits. Just like when one learns to play a musical instrument, we need to start at the beginning and move forward. Hopefully we have not learned any bad habits that we need to unlearn.
I think it might be helpful to be honest with the person that you're in a relationship with.I got into trouble just going with the flow many times. I had to learn that I have a right to say no.
I hope this helps. I'm so grateful for young men like you who are open to trying to do relationships differently. I admire you for asking for help. I just didn't know how way back when.
I hope something in this helps. Please know that you're not alone.
(((((hugs)))))
Thanks for letting me share.