Shellcrusher

I haven't been where you are so I can't help much but what I can say is this.

It seems like you've been around the block and you already know this isn't about him anymore. He's doing his recovery and you need to do yours.

I'll say that you write exceptionally well. If anything, writing may help drain that angry little bottle you have. For me, anger is something I feel towards someone else. While it can be helpful for me and somewhat protective, I'm still left dealing with an emotional feeling for someone else which really has nothing to do with me. So I say, release that anger.

...and much to what Thumper says, come here and talk about it. Sounds like you've been seeking validation from your AH when perhaps you need some clear minded validation from people who know exactly what you mean.