Hi Jayner,
I'm also a mom, (2 addict sons) and a new grandmom...
I might be seeing this from a completely different perspective here.
Are you staying with him because it gives you opportunity to use if you want to?
I think any answers you are looking for have to start with you. Try a Alanon meeting. When I go, there is always something said that I can use in my recovery.
and...I ...think...
Unconditional friendship can be maintained once a month by phone.
hugs to you, I know you're having a difficult time right now..