I really appreciate the insight & all the time y'all took (just Reading that!) & replying. Yep: I came in at the "Epiphany" stage, aka: I'm 35 on house arrest & spent almost 3 years total in the pokie: "Time to grow up & be responsible, reflective, productive, spiritual...blah.blah. I was mesmerized by his honesty & perseverance. I was proud of him. He had a wiseness about himself & life, that was beyond my college education. And Yeah, retrospect, it was the most Unhealthy thing I've Ever Done. I know now, that a couple of stints in the pokie, & residential confinement kinda make anyone find "Jeezus!" or Buddah, or a Spiritual compass?...but I believed in him. Without Waiver. I think for the first time in my life. He was inspiring, & inspired me. And it was all a big Fat Load of Crap. Screwing the ex, within a month of proposing (even before back on the bottle), dabbling in drugs bc they didn't show up on the breathalyzer Etc.) My struggle is Why am I so hung up on Such a Train Wreck, that would ultimately, plow me down if I had stayed, and WTH was I thinking? How Stooopid....And, I Love him. Still. Chime in here: But, realistically: Anyone who has had...15 DUI's in 20 years, done REAL time 3 times, and Rehab up the Wazoo over 10 years with no success: They ARE going to do this again, right?...He's in "Epiphany" Again. No Alcohol since parol in late March, and sober for the 2? yr in Jail....But Smoked something called "Black Mamba(mambo?)" in the cab when leaving jail? I don't wish him bad, I don't. But part of me has to believe he's just going to Screw it up again, just to stop me from pining about the ideal. When Sober...He is an Incredible, Magnetic, Loving guy....When he's Sober & not pulling ****!