Originally Posted by
goldengirl3 
Is there anyone out there that isn't out to use me....
Yes, there are plenty of good guys out there.
The thing I've been trying to say in this thread is, it's not so important to figure out why
he was attracted to you. The $64,000 question is,
why were you attracted to him?
As I look back at the reasons I was attracted to my XAH, and honestly bring them out into the light. I can see that there was a big hole I was trying to fill. My beliefs and behaviors were what needed analyzing, scrutinizing, and questioning. That's not to say there was something
wrong with me. It's more like saying if I wanted different results, I might have to change the way I operated.
It doesn't matter too much if you use the label "codependent" or not. (I don't mind it for myself, because it sort of gives me a baseline to work from. I don't have to start from scratch to figure out the work I need to do, because there is already a definition to begin with.) What matters most is the willingness to examine beliefs and behaviors, and the courage to discard harmful beliefs and modify harmful behaviors. Trying to figure out my XAH didn't help me. Trying to figure out why I was attracted to him, and even more so why I stayed so long, now that was helpful.
L