Where the he!! is Cryanoak?
You sound like you've got a little touch of PTSD, I am not a doctor, but if you are triggered by your wife walking into the house, IDK.
Al-Anon is a recovery program for US, Cryanoak might say to try at least 6 meetings, some different, in a short time span, before you decide if it's NOT for you. I've been attending for 4+ years and will continue. It's kind of a blueprint for living a more peaceful and "serenity" filled life. It's helped me be more successful at relationships, not just with alcoholics.
It will help you either get better and save your marriage, or get better and leave it. Either way, your pain WILL be lessened. I will personally give you a "money back guarantee" on that, right here in writing. I was advised against making any major life changing decisions for 1 year. Based on the fact that in a year you will be in a much "better" place to make a "good for YOU" decision.
I would also add, that if you have seen a counselor and haven't been helped, fire them. Lots don't have a clue about the challenges in alcoholic marriages. Seek out a counselor specializing in substance abuse.
Read the stickies at the top of this page, lots of good information, also a great book is "Codependent No More" by M. Beatty, our library has it, or Amazon for around a penny plus shipping. Ha, a district attorney leaned in and whispered "Have you read 'Codependent No More'" in my ear as he was escorting me to the "bench" in a CPS hearing.
I ended up giving him a "man hug" with tears in my eyes, a year later for being instrumental in my getting sole custody of my 5yo little girl.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote