Good morning Amy. I couldn't agree with you more about recovery being the most important thing in our lives.
I, too, had a similar thing happen to me with a guy. I had weened myself off Methadone the last time and was 2+ years clean when I met my last boyfriend. I didn't know he was using, and he kept it from me for a while. Although, I could tell he was on something, he kept saying it was pills or weed. Until, it finally came out that he was using heroin. After finding that out, I stayed clean for about a month until I caved in and started back up. I remember sitting in the living room of my apartment with it in my right hand and just crying because I knew what it meant to do it. Pure HELL all over again. And I cried the whole time I was snorting it. Then I found out he was lying about shooting up, I've always snorted it, but I ended up shooting it for the last 2 years we were together, something I swore I'd never do. What's crazy is I'm terrified of needles, so I always had someone do it for me while I looked away so I wouldn't have to see it.
Anyway, I know now that I can't find my own happiness, peace and love in others (it's not fair to the other person and it's not fair to us to have those expectations). And I definitely can't find it getting high. Which is ultimately what I was searching for. It has to come within us. And it is there, even though it may seem lost at times.
I'm so happy for you, Amy, that you have found peace in your life. It's such an amazing thing to have and so easily lost when we use.