Your the only one that can lock or unlock the door Creek. Stop waiting for miracles and get active in your own recovery. We can offer support but cannot make the choice for you. While your sitting there enjoying nature, make a plan for yourself. Get some help and start your road to recovery. We all have to be responsible for our own lives and decisions.
Find your strength and start living again. Today! Find the miracle, don't wait for it.
Best Wishes To You!