Lala6

Hi, I'm new here. I'm looking for some guidance in letting go of an old relationship with an alcoholic/addict that ended 13 years ago. We were together for six years when we were in our late teens/early 20s. There were good times, and we were incredibly close, but it ended very badly over a long period of time. He pushed me away and pulled me back in for years. During this time, I was in a constant state of depression, panic, fear, anxiety, and heartbreak. There was no closure. Communication just stopped. We have had no communication since.

I did my best to move on with my life. I've had extensive therapy for my depression, but it never seemed to really help. I put on a good exterior. I went on to have a successful career. I am married to a hardworking, devoted man. I have wonderful children and a good life. However, inside, I still feel like I am that devastated 22-year-old girl. It hurts every day.

Following the death of an old, mutual friend (drug related), I stumbled upon my ex on Facebook. Seeing his face has ripped open many wounds. It was easier to cope when I had no idea where he was and could pretend that he did not exist. It turns out that he is clean and sober and married with a family. Part of me is relieved at this, and part of me is crushed and angry that he never reached out to me to make amends. I have always been drawn to him like a magnet and am having a very difficult time knowing exactly where he is and staying away.

This is not fair to my family. I need to let go of the pain of the past, but I don't know how to close the door. I suppose I'm just venting now and looking for some guidance or support. I can't talk about this with anyone.

Thanks in advance!