Live said it best. Ignoring your responsibilities goes counter to what recovery is supposed to be about.
Her responsibilities as a mom and member of your family are part of LIFE and recovery is supposed to be about the ability to live with life as you have it. If the set up isn't to her liking (married with two small children) then she can't use meetings as an excuse to not deal with what is going on at home.
Yes sobriety is selfish but she is still causing harm to others so to me that isn't true recovery. She is only sober. Something isn't 'connecting' with her so maybe she is hanging by a thread but if the life she has at home is something she has to avoid to stay sober then she and you need to make some hard choices.
I think AA can be used as an escape by some who aren't really embracing the work involved. They replace one addiction with an AA addiction. While that is the 'healthier' alternative, it isn't what the program is about, to hide from life.
I feel for ya. Hopefully she will see this but sounds like you may need counseling as a couple. Just a suggestion.... bb