silly

Well, I did something on Saturday night that I honestly thought I couldn't do. I told my partner that I have a drinking problem. She didn't believe me. I told her my tactics for hiding it, told her how much more I consume than she ever sees. Seeing as I was wasted drunk at the time, she had obvious proof right in front of her. Then she began recalling so many times that she thought I had been acting odd and realized I'd just been drunk! Of course, she was mad at first. I understood. I've been lying to her for so long. She left and went to a friend's house (who is in recovery herself). They're both shocked. Both said they never saw it. By the next day she was feeling more supportive, thanks to the friend, but has ground rules for me. I need to get help, we need to see a therapist, no more lying.
On Monday morning I called a substance abuse outpatient center. I'd found the number a couple of days before I told my partner. I have an evaluation and therapy appointment for tomorrow.
I didn't drink on Sunday or Monday. All good things and I was feeling good about my steps forward even though I'm pretty depressed.
Then yesterday a family emergency came up and she flew halfway across the country to be with her relatives. She's not due back until Sunday. I was instantly in a panic because I'd be home alone for so long. And on the way home from work I stopped off and bought a bottle of wine. Which I drank. I felt like crap this morning, physically and mentally.
Tonight I'm either going to try an AA meeting or have dinner with the recovering friend. I'm mad at myself for being so stupid! But now I'm focusing on my evaluation and appointment tomorrow. I'm hoping for weekly appointments with a therapist and maybe more than weekly these first few weeks.