i left the 3yr old relationship two months ago. When we started dating, he had been prescribed adderall or riddalin for 7 years (he's 24). I could tell right from the start when he had eaten adderall or if it was a "sober" day. I loved the sober him, even though sometimes, it was like babysitting
After awhile, I started to notice a pattern: every three months (during the school year, when he was taking adderall every day), he would "break up" with me or have some sort of emotional break down. He was so mean & distant during these times; I stayed away until he decided to call or text me "I miss my best friend" (usually a week to a month later). This went on for over a year. This past summer, we had such a great time--he was the guy i fell in love with, and we got along superbly. He is a naturally selfish person, so i had to "learn" to not receive as much in return as i gave--not easy to do. He has horrible double standards, doesn't recycle, used me as a taxi and personal assistant; once school started in August, he became complacent, patronizing, and started treating me like a toy instead a of companion. One day got super irritated and hit me. So i left. What hurts is that he hasn't tried to "win me back" or apologize. He's sent me a weird picture mail and tried to call once in two months. He started school again today, so I'm sure he's focused on other things, but doesn't he miss me at all? I had to get used to sleeping alone, not seeing him every day, and making dinner for one instead of two...I gave him my heart, my support, and he goes on with life without me with no problem. I have trouble keeping my tears in check every day!
I didn't realize it until i found this website
How to End a Controlling or Manipulative Relationship - wikiHow (8 out of the 11 listings applied to me!) and read some posts on this website that the relationship had become SO unhealthy and dark. No one in my family liked him, said I could do much better, and he didn't deserve me. I am a strong, independent woman & never thought I would be emotionally abused, much less disrespected as much as i was. How could i let this happen? Nevertheless, my heart hurts. And he keeps showing up in my dreams--not helpful.
I found these two quotes which give me solace:
"Adderall seizes your true personality & worth in life, stuffs you into a long, dark, secretive hiding spot, and tries to pass you off to the world as yourself when on the inside you have been replaced with fear, anxiety, depression, stress, shame, and all kinds of negativity."
"Adderall killed the person I loved and left in his place an inconsiderate, shallow, vicious, dark shell of a man who is absolutely incapable of being decent, loving, or seeing the beauty this world has to offer."
I'm doing things to make myself feel better (yoga, massage, lost 10 lbs, vacation), and finding this site has made me cry, smile, and helped clarify. I'm grateful to everyone who reads this.