Hi HopingForLife!
I am ACOA also. There are a few of us on here. Keep going to AlAnon
See if you can find an ACOA meeting too! Those are great; you really feel accepted and like you belong, I did. Be patient with yourself, keep focusing on you and working on you and what you need to get to, you will get to. It is just great that you see what you see about your mom. Chew on it a bit, feel what you feel, go to meetings, keep coming here and reading and posting and you will see.
Remember the Three Cs:
You did not cause it
You cannot cure it
And you cannot control it