Hi hopingforlife
All I can say really is to keep going to Al-anon for the alcohol part and maybe try psychotherapy if you can. A psychotherapist will definitely be able to sort though all your negative emotions about your upbringing which will allow you to move forward.
I have been going to Al-anon for over a year now and it really does help but I still relapse myself (bigtime) and get back into my old behaviours. I just have to remember to keep going. We have a phrase 'it works if you work it' or something like that!
I dont think my half brother has been for help with sorting out his issues surrounding his upbringing but he does write a lot (blogs) poems etc about his past. His step mum died a few years ago and he never went to her funeral and continues to have a strained relationship with his dad (who let a lot of the abuse go on).
My own AH had some issues with his mother abandoning him, he went to see a therapist years ago about it. The therapist listened to him and said 'there are just some people in the world who are better off out of your life' and hearing it from another man, helped my husband a lot and was able to move on from his issues fairly quickly after that.