polerprrincess, sadly we have excuses to stay as much as they have excuses to use.
I feel your pain, I went through the same thing. Please watch out for yourself and keep getting support. I am thankful I finally did as I got to the point of anger and depression that was truly scary for me. I never thought I would get out of the despair I was in.
Im doing much better now, not 100% as I know it will take time, I have alot of wounds to heal from being in the marriage and living with addiction. but please know you need to educate yourself and keep seeking support it will get better for you..