Thanks for the welcome! Rolltide, you hit the nail on the head with the "circle of crazy"! I've tried a few Al-Anon meetings in the past, found it a bit depressing. Maybe I should give it another chance. Codie101 and Stepping Up, you just made me cry. In my 43 yrs. no one has ever said i was an "inspiration". Thank You. Barb Dwyer, Too funny about the clock and razors huh? I wonder how a 48 yr. old man knows where every bar and liquor store is in my county (and what time they close) but is oblivious to where Wal-Mart is! MyBetterWorld, I can see how visiting this site helps, much of what I've read has made me cry,but more has made me laugh! It's good to know so many are feeling the same things, because I feel like I'm alone in this. Don't know yet how I'll pay the bills, or even put one foot in front of the other, but this very minute, as i sit on my couch (the same couch I sprayed with FeBreeze 3 mornings ago because it reeked of vodka!) I feel safe and calm, and thats all I ever wanted.