I am a single mother. Twenty-five years ago, I had an unplanned pregnancy. When I told my boyfriend that I was having a baby, he said "get rid of it, or I'm gone." I told him to take a hike and I never looked back. He never saw my daughter and never paid me any child support. I could have spent years chasing him, encouraging him to be part of his daughter's life, and taking him to court for child support, but I decided that no father was better for my daughter than a father who didn't care about her--or me.
I was earning 11,000 per year at the time, and I convinced myself that "I can do this." And I did. Things were tight for a while, but I learned how to be independent and strong, and eventually things eased up a bit and we really thrived. Today we live a good life, my daughter and I. And we want for nothing. The experience didn't harden me or make be bitter. It made me self-reliant, independent, resourceful, and strong. It had the same affect on my daughter as well.
And while my daughter didn't have a biological father in her life, she had plenty of healthy, loving father figures--my father, my five brothers, and for many, many years before he became an alcoholic, my boyfriend Richard, too.
I'm a 50-year-old woman today and I've learned that sometimes things that seemed tragic at the time were really blessings in disguise. It just takes time and clarity to see the gift.
This, too, could be a gift for you and your child. Children need healthy, stable, reliable, and loving parents in their lives. They don't need people who prefer booze, drugs, and womanizing over spending time with their children.