Okay, so, I do a lot of reading on here. And my heart goes out to each and every one of you. And I admire you all for the battle you keep fighting to stay clean.
Among the things I've read, there is a lot about going to NA meetings. I've never been to one. I think they would help me because at least I'd have some kind of structure in my life and some guidance.
Anyway, my problem is that I am shy (by nature, was born and will most certainly die like this) and have always felt awkward around people. That isn't the reason though. See, my teeth are now jacked up from getting high and the Methadone. I'm so used to being able to smile as a way to approach people, but now it's just awkward because I only smile with my mouth closed and when I talk I'm always making sure my teeth won't be seen.
The thing is, I'm so self-conscious about this and I know I'd feel so embarrassed and awkward around all those people at the meeting. Forget about getting up and talking in front of everyone. That to me is a panic attack just waiting to happen.
I don't have the money to get my teeth fixed yet so I'm stuck.
I'm sure this sounds weird, but it's what's been on my mind. I don't talk to anyone, besides my mom, about this because it's a sensitive subject for me.
I try to look at it as another thing to learn from, another obstacle to overcome, a battle scar. But, it's definitely holding me back. I won't even look for a job because of this.
Well, as always, thanks for letting me vent. It helps a great deal.
