Dear Sasha:
If he was drinking it would be easier to understand why he does what he does. But it would still be totally unacceptable. Also one thing, how can you be so sure he is sober? I do not think anyone who truly got his or her one year chip would risk it by going to a bar.
Anyway, remember the 3 Cs:
You can't cure him.
You didn't cause his behavior
You cannot control what he does
(Tough to absorb, I know..)
A girlfriend just went through a very similar story.... I have seen firsthand how much pain is involved and I am very sorry you are going through this
but remember you are not alone, you got us now and you have your baby girl that really needs you.
Can you ask anyone that might know him, not to mention him to you? these kind of "tidbits" hurt like hell. You don't need to know. And I don't need to know what he is doing now at all, why because what you described already shows what kind of person he is, I don't care if he is drunk or sober, he is a bad person and perhaps Life no longer wants someone as toxic and hurtful as him, to be around you and your girl.
I wish you are open to the idea of therapy as this has helped my girlfriend (and myself) a lot...to get those toxic feelings out of your system. You don't have to do it alone! "The grief club" by Melody Beatty is also an excellent book about dealing with change. Very very compassionate and it has some useful exercises. I recommend it. Who is your support system in real life?
I have been out of a really toxic relation 2 years, and I wish I could show you how wonderful life gets. I have received so many wonderful gifts. Those and many more are in store for you, just breathe and take the next step. It gets so much better than this and many wonderful people here have gone through tough stuff yet now live fulfilled, contented lives. I promise you!! it will get so much better. You and your kid deserve peace and joy.
You can do this. Please keep posting and if you have time, check out the "Sticky" section on the top of the forum, lots of useful info in there.
HUGS!