Hi Debvin! Welcome!
I can relate so much to what you posted. After 14 years with my AH (daily drinker), I took my then 3 &1/2-year-old daughter & left (it was really hard for me to do but I felt so lonely, sad & hopeless as time went on. His drinking seemed to worsen, his perceptions seemed to get more warped (mine too!). After I left with our daughter, things took a worse turn for my husband (it wasn't great for me either but It was still a little better than living with an active alcoholic) This led my husband to hit bottom & eventually enter an in patient program. He has been sober (in recovery) for 10 months.
I never thought I would see my husband sober *ever*. I didn't think he was capable of sobriety or even recovery. My husband just didn't seem to care. He didn't seem to care about going to jail, hurting himself, hurting others, etc. I had hit my bottom & had to leave. Things had to get so bad for each of us that we each couldn't take it anymore before either of us *finally* stopped doing the same thing over & over and *finally* get help. He needed it & I needed it. We are still separated but working to reunite under the same roof.
I hope you stay here & read a lot & post a lot. I have learned so much here. I also started taking Alanon seriously. I appreciate hearing other people's stories. I learn a lot on how to "live life" in general but most especially in relationship to alcoholism. I hope you can find serenity and that eventually your husband can find his way to sobriety/recovery. It is possible (but usually it has to get worse before it gets better).
Warm hugs to you!