After 17 years of being on and off of heroin (mostly on), I am now starting to wake up, realize and feel the damage heroin caused. Well, let's be honest, I caused. I can't blame heroin, since I'm the one who decided to use it.
Anyway, I've been on Methadone for the past 5 years and have tapered down to 3 mgs. after being on 100 mgs. But, now everything I had suppressed for so long while getting high and even on Methadone is starting to get to me.
Have you discussed this with a doctor? Perhaps you are clinically depressed and may benefit from medication and therapy, if you are willing.
I lost my little brother 9 years ago. I thought I had dealt with it, but I feel like it's brand new. And it hurts so bad. I'm also thinking of the life I could've had if I hadn't wasted my best years getting high and not giving a crap.
I'm not an addict (I'm from the Friends & Family side) and I sit around and have these thoughts, too! How my life could have been different "IF ONLY".... Everyone has regrets!! At 52 years of age, I have a ton of 'em!! I'm still racking them up! LOL! So what? I'm human! Staying stuck in regret about the past serves no purpose whatsoever. The only important moment is NOW. Take an old childhood picture of yourself and carry it around -- when you want to beat yourself up, pull that picture out and apologize to that kid for being so mean. Tell that kid that it's gonna be OK now...you've learned a lot. Move forward.
I'm 38 and although I was in 2 serious relationships, both for 7 years, nothing came of it. We were always chasing the high, so I never got married and never had kids. I'm worried because I'm starting to feel like it's too late for me.
Being married and having kids is SOOOO over-rated! LOL Trust me on that one. The most important thing is YOU. Find your passion, nurture it, and LIVE it. When you're ready the Universe will provide a loving partner! And if not, you will have many, many friends because your light will shine from within and people will be attracted to you.
I don't mean to rant about my life. I do see the good things though, at least I'm not out there messing up anymore. It's just that now that it's time for me to pick up the pieces, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.
You know the drill: just live for today! Make a short list of what you want to accomplish today and today only. Meditate? Paint? Walk? Read? Build a fire?Journal? Write a letter to your grandma? Forgive that little child and do something fun together today. Life is good. You are not messing up anymore. ((((Hugs)))) ...and Congratulations on 5 years! 
Anyway, this is my very first thread. I've read a lot of your posts on here and am just blown away by the love and compassion you all have here for one another.
Well, I hope to get to know you all. You are an awesome bunch.