Rose, my son has treated me with total disrespect for a long time, probably starting soon after he became an addict. My XH deliberately made my son up against me, told him every time he went there what a B**** I am etc. My son has called me every name in the book, destroyed much of my property and when he finally moved out, he left his room in a state that was beyond disgusting for me to clean up.
For years, I would alternate between being very bitter and trying very hard to mend our relationship. I took every word he said as truth and felt so bad because I was obviously a really bad person.
I finally had enough of his disrespect. With the distance between us, I saw that he treated me that way because I became his doormat and he knew how much he could manipulate me with his accusations.
I went through his childhood in my mind and realised that I did more for him than many parents would. I always had his best interest at heart and would make enormous sacrifices so he could be happy. I love him very much and often told and showed it to him. Even though I was a single parent, I travelled great distances in a lot of traffic every day to send him to a private school I could barely afford, because he was so unhappy in his first school. I employed him during his addiction to try and give him something else to live for. Disrespect was all I got in return. I made peace with myself that I did the very best I could for him and I mostly treated him with so much love.
I have totally withdrawn from him. I have not spoken to him since he left in March. The only thing I did was to send him an SMS on his birthday. He has not tried to contact me either.
I am ok with all of this. I cannot have someone in my life anymore that treats me with so much disrespect. I have made peace with the fact that I may never see him again. I do hope and pray that he will leave his addiction behind. Even then, unless he can treat me better I cannot have him in my life.
I have a 15-year old that is the exact opposite. He is loving, hard-working and respectful.
I am telling you all of this to let you know that we do not have to take disrespect from our children and that I have an inkling of how hurt you are. I am the last person who can give advice, but I do know that you deserve better treatment and do not have to tolerate his behaviour.