rose

Hi Everyone,
Just thought I would post an update and ask for some help. My youngest son came over to my place about a week before Christmas and knocked on the door, he was quite stand offish, but he wanted to know what I was doing for Christmas. I told him that I was staying home and would be cooking the dinner and at this point I am not to sure who is coming, but asked if he would like to come and yes he did. Plans sort of changed and I cooked a roast on Christmas Eve and then to go to my nieces to which we were all welcome. Because of the dislike my son has for my knew man friend, he went to his families on Christmas Eve so there would be less tension in my house with my son. Dinner went fairly well and we make plans for the morning, to come and open gifts and I was making breakfast. My oldest son came at 9:30 am on Christmas morning as planned but there was no sign of the younger one, so the two of us had breakfast and opened our gifts. My oldest son started to get uptight and mad that his brother was not showing up, around noon he said he was going to his place to find out what he was doing. Within minutes of him leaving I was in the bathroom and could hear this horrible yelling only to come out and they were in a fist fight in my livingroom, it was horrible, out in the frontyard they continue to brawl with the neighbours all out watching. My youngest son tore off in his truck and that was the last I saw of him until lastweek he came to pick up some books he needed. At first it was very tense, I went into his room where he was and tried to have a conversation, he really wanted nothing to do with me and made it clear, but I kept trying and he did let his guard down and told me about the school scolarship he won, I told him I was really proud of him. He said he had to go and I gave him a big hug, told him I loved him and to please keep intouch with me, he said yes he would. I was crying so hard. This week a cheque came in the mail for him from the Govenment, he has no phone and really I am not 100 percent sure of where he lives as this is the way he wants it. Around lunchtime yesterday I took the cheque to his work, he works outside in a yard and I know many of the people there as both boys have worked there for several years, one of the men saw me and we were having a chat, nothing but a few laughs. When my son saw me the just glared and turned to walk away as I was walking toward him waving the envolope saying this looks like a happy envolope, he took it from my hand and muttered quitely to me..."Don't you ever come to my work again" I said well I had no way of getting a hold of you (plus I thought we were on kind of good terms from the lasttime he left my house and I wanted to see him) he said again "don't ever, do you get it!" I just walked away and don't even really remember walking to my car, I just wanted to burst into tears. The boys have nothing to do with each other and havent for a few months now. Tonight I talked briefly to my oldest son, which I do see quite a bit, but I felt he was a bit off with me, probably just my own touchy feelings right now after yesterday.

What I am trying to find is a sight like this that deals with what I am going through, I am having a very hardtime right now, this has been going on for so long and it isn't getting any better for me. I am just so sad inside. If anyone knows of a site or has any ideas of a group that I could go to, such as alanon. I don't know where to even start to look, so any advise or suggestions you might have, please let me know.

I am sorry I write a book,

Rose