(((North))) - I couldn't see anything but darkness for a while, too. I was angry that I couldn't get high any more, ashamed because of the things I'd done, despondent over my lost career, felt guilty for the pain I had caused my family. You name a bad feeling, I felt it.
My feeling was, for I don't know how long, "just don't do anything that's going to bring MORE bad ****, you've got enough to deal with". My first gratitude list everyone recommends? Didn't wanna do it. Finally, when I got miserable enough, I said, through gritted teeth, "I'm grateful I have a soft bed and pillow" because in jail, they were anything but soft. It took time, and forcing myself to find things to be grateful for, but it helped.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy