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Old 01-13-2011, 05:46 AM
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Kindeyes
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. I'm afraid that I can't offer advice because I would then be taking some responsibility for the outcome. However, I can share my story as there are some similarities to yours in that many years ago, our son lived with us and worked for us. It was a double dose of he77 to have our work life and home life disrupted by addiction/alcoholism.

I found that when I began practicing the art of healthy boundary setting and getting my emotional responses under control, things began to improve for me. Our son had to spiral down to a point that I had accepted the possibility that we were going to lose him (death) to drugs and the lifestyle he chose. However, we did not have to create drama (like getting the sheriff to harrass him), he had the ability to create enough drama and legal problems for himself without our participation.

I love the way someone stated it in another thread:

Say what you mean (state your boundaries clearly)
Mean what you say (those stated boundaries are not negotiable)
Don't say it mean (keep the emotion and anger out of it)

Personally, in order to escape the insanity of my own behaviors (codependent and enabling), I had to read tons of books and literature, go to Alanon/Naranon meetings, and spend a great deal of time here on SR. It took me a very long time to finally realize that I did not control my son but I could control me. It took me a long time to let go and let God. It took me a long time to realize that my son had a higher power.....and I was not it.

I hope that whatever you decide to do will help you. I hope that your son finds his way towards sobriety. I will hold you all in my prayers.

gentle hugs from another Mom
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