I have accepted everything, now I am working towards the necessary adjustments to make life better for me. I began by accepting my natural self. By that I mean, I am a black women and more people know that black women where either fake hair or relax their hair. Most black women do not accept their natural hair, but I found the courage to do just that and I no longer have low self esteem about my physical appearance. I know I am beautiful, everyone created by the higher power is.
The second step was realizing and accepting the fact that alcohol has caused the misery in my family. Alcohol is the reason my mother is the way she is. It is why she is so dependent. I found out that alcoholism is a very real disease world wide and I found out that it has caused me to be the way I was. I wanted to fix people. I took it upon myself to take care of my mom when she was drunk. I dated foolish people hoping I can make them better. I could not accept compliments because I did not love myself. I realized my relationships with people were unhealthy because of the way I was raised. I was raised to survive, and I see how that affects my social skills. I realized that my grandmother and aunt mistreated me. They were not loving, they were not supportive, they did not treat me, the way an aunt and grandmother should. My mother is a terrible mother who puts herself first. No parent should jeopardize the well-being of their children for anything. I was in constant jeopardy.
The most important realization I came to understand and accept is that I dont have to take abuse. I dont have to 'fix' people, people have to fix theirselves. No one has the right to hurt me, no one has the right to trample all over me. I have to take care of myself especially since no one else will. I come first now. I have to set boundaries, I have to have better communication within my relationships in order to have better healthy friendships. I realized I do not have to tolerate my families abuse and that it is okay to move on with my life.
Now, it is time for me to learn how to take care of myself and be happy.
~Def